things i don't want to forget

so my mother made a list of all the things she didnt want to forget about the beach, so here's mine:
the outraged and very confused look on the gulls faces when they were pushed sideways by the wind while in flight
the stars on the beach that reminded me of the dead sea, and our laser flashlight
my family cooking together in the kitchen as (thankfully) i am exempt, but still present
my sis and i going to get moes and watching the prince and me
the bottle of glitter spilled on the sand by countless waves pulverizing countless shells and oysters and rocks
the peaceful feeling that permeates the sandbar at low tide
the feeling of being completely alone in the vast universe, awed by the majesty and vastness of the ocean
mom's amphitheater, aaron copeland, and the intracoastal waterway
the golf ball
realizing that for once, at least in the recent past, i had nothing to do, nowhere to go, that i didn't want to/have to/need to.
taking pictures
just being able to think, to heal, and to be quiet and listen to my inner turmoil.
to know that i dont have to feel anything else but what im feeling at that moment
and to know that stepping on mountain ranges, lakes, seas, and ribbons in the ocean is highly overrated (they have a tendency to dig into one's feet), but that time with my father watching the ribbons of sunshine cascade into the ocean is not.
and to come to terms that its just me, that no one defines me, or watches me, or influences me. right now, for this week, its just me.
i can let go of marilyn, of the influence that i let her have over me, and be my own best friend, content to be just juliet, and that its okay to be lonely, as long as that doesn't make me compromise myself, my integrity, my passions and ideals and essence. i can be lonely, and thats ok. it sucks, but its not against the law, and i dont need to desperately reach out and fill the void in my life. its ok that its there. its normal. so let myself grieve, and feel it, and miss her. but remember that i am juliet dawn sheridan, a handmaiden of God, and that i am never truly alone.
"Oh God, befriend me in my loneliness, and accompany me in my exile." i dont know if thats the right quote, but it works. and im me, and im lonely, and im not gonna be that way forever. so this started out as a list, but then it became a reflection, and now its soulsearching. but now mom wants to do bahai stuff. joy. i can do this.